Shit!

Well yesterday sucked.Β I knew when I got a call on Monday saying to come in to go over the results the very next day it couldn’t be good. I felt way more nervous on the way to the doctors this time. I was basically going to find out if I had cancer or not.

When the doctor came in I could just tell by her low, calm voice that this was going to be the shittiest day ever. She started off by saying, “the biopsy revealed good cells but it also revealed cancerous cells.” Shit.

As soon as she said cancer, I literally just blanked out, I couldn’t even comprehend what the hell she just said. I immediately asked what kind of thyroid cancer it was, since there a few, some worse than others. When she said papillary I breathed a little sigh of relief. It is the “better one.”

Honestly, that whole appointment was kind of a blur. I just remember her talking a lot after she said cancer and I couldn’t even take it all in. Thankfully I had Jeff there to hopefully catch some of the stuff she was saying. As soon as she asked me if I had any questions I kinda just broke down and cried. Like seriously.. CANCER?! What the shit!

Now I wait some more, this time for them to call me to book an appointment to meet the surgeon. Thankfully the surgeon only deals with thyroid surgeries and it’s not just some random surgeon who only does a few here and there. After all, if this person is going to slice open my neck, I would sure hope they know that area REALLY well.

I’m really hoping the cancer hasn’t spread. If it has then I’ll have to take a radioactive iodine pill and go in isolation for a few days.

So that’s that. Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT.

I still think I’m in shock. I feel oddly calm about this situation. I don’t know when it will fully hit me that this is happening. Sometimes I will just sit and think.. shit, I have cancer. I feel almost dirty and I want it out of me so badly ASAP.

Excuse the language in this post, but shit.

uggghghghghghghghghggggghhhhh