Yesterday was rough. I got home around 1pm and spent most of the day in bed. My throat was so sore from the breathing tube during surgery. It’s still pretty sore today and I can still taste the plastic when I cough. I’ve had to cough so much and it’s almost impossible. It feels like my incision is going to burst open :l
I don’t know what was up yesterday but I was SO depressed. It might have to do with the fact that I didn’t have a thyroid for 2 days and no medication to replace it with so my hormones had gone crazy. I was crying all night. This lump had taken up 4 months of my life, it had consumed me, and all of a sudden it was gone and I was sent home. It felt all too fast and I even for a little second missed the stupid thing. It became such a big part of my life. I think I told Jeff I loved him about 1000 times yesterday :p I’m so thankful I had him with me throughout the whole process. (Aaaand now I’m crying again)
I was upset that I was just sent home with a prescription and that was that, it was done. It’s hard to explain but it made me really, really sad. I should’ve been really happy. I woke up this morning and took my first pill and it was an instant mood killer. Just a reminder that this is how life will be from now on. I know I’ll get used to it, but for now it’s just hard.
I’m feeling a little better today. Still a little sad, in shock, sore, tired and blah. I just want it to get better and feel happy again. Looking back, these past 4 months have been super emotional. When I think back to every call, every appointment, every test, every doctor and nurse I’ve encountered it is a wave of emotions. From when I was first told I had cancer to the last thing I remember before being put under for surgery, it’s all really hard to take in.
I’m very thankful the surgery went well and I know things will get better with time.