It’s amazing how the human body works. My body has been tested this year and I’m determined to turn this experience into a positive one. No one wants to hear they have cancer but when it comes down to it cancer doesn’t care who you are. Being told you have it sends an odd wave of fear over your body. It’s a fear unlike anything else and unless you’ve had a doctor tell you the horrible news you don’t know what that feels like.
This week is guaranteed to be a stressful one. On Friday I go under to have a total thyroidectomy to hopefully eliminate the thyroid cancer I have. It’s been a really, really odd year. Since finding out about the cancer in March I really haven’t known how to feel. Some days I feel relieved and happy knowing it could be worse and this will hopefully all be over with soon. I’m happy I don’t have a cancer that requires chemo, and I shouldn’t complain about my minimal hair loss when I could have lost it all if I had to go through chemo. I’m happy I don’t have to litter my body with the poison to kill it and instead I get a pretty simple surgery. When I look at it that way I feel almost bad for telling people I have cancer because so many others have it way worse.
On the other hand cancer is cancer. I’m losing a pretty big organ that controls so much. I’m scared I’ll feel even worse after the surgery. I’m scared I’ll always be tired and unmotivated. I’m scared I’ll gain weight and my metabolism will never be the same. I’m scared of having to take a pill for the rest of my life. The cancer will always hang over my head even if it’s technically gone. I’ll forever have to have tests to confirm the cancer hasn’t come back. I’ll be put on Synthroid and hair loss is one of the side effects. I just want my hair to grow back. I just want to go back and have this not happen to me. I’m scared.
My plans this week include:
01- Putting my Etsy shops on vacation so I don’t have to worry about filling orders and messaging people back and forth.
02- Get out as much as possible during the day. Even if I have to walk around the whole city, I just don’t want to be inside my apartment alone and stressed.
03- Get a good workout in the morning. It really does wonders for your body and mind.
04- Try meditating. I found some good, free videos on youtube. Lord knows I could use all the calmness this week.
05- Client work at night. This should keep me distracted and feeling creative since nights are usually the time when my mind wonders the most.
06- Drink lots of water and fresh juice. All bad foods, sugars, and drinks won’t exist this week.
07- Wake up everyday thankful for being alive and having the support from friends and family who have made me feel really good lately. I don’t have time for people who you thought were friends but when hard times come about they disappear and avoid you. It’s sad that it takes a shitty situation to find out true friends.
08-Read Kris Carr’s ‘Cancer Survivor’ book. I read her first one ‘Cancer Tips’ and it was really helpful. It will be nice to have one of her books to read as the day gets closer.
I’m really (excuse the language) fucking scared for Friday. It doesn’t feel real. I don’t plan on sleeping much this week mainly because I can’t. I’m hoping the meditation helps. Tomorrow is my pre-admission appointment where they will go over the surgery with me. I’m going into this appointment alone but it will make me stronger. I’ll have questions to ask and come out ready for Friday.
This blog post has turned out to be a lot longer than I originally planned it to be. I mainly wanted to say that until I am feeling good enough to write again I’ll be taking a blog break. Thanks to everyone who reads my blog, comments on my posts and the amazing friends I’ve made on this journey. Your presence on this blog means the world to me and I can’t wait to get back at it again.
In the meantime if you want to keep up-to-date you can follow my thyca blog here. I’m sure I’ll be very active there this week as the day gets closer. Also, if you have any surgery advice/tips I’m all ears.